


You're Just My Type

by donotspeaktomeofdragonfire



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Clone Sex, Clones, Double Anal Penetration, Hair-pulling, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Little bit of Fluff, M/M, Self-cest, Tentacles, Threesome - M/M/M, Yoglabs, alien!xephos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:23:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donotspeaktomeofdragonfire/pseuds/donotspeaktomeofdragonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During routine Yoglabs server maintenance, Lalna gets pushed into an alternate timeline. It turns out very well for all involved.<br/>Title after the song by Saint Motel</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Just My Type

**Author's Note:**

> science has yet to determine whether i can actually write a fic without lalna

Lalna stared at the clock as it ticked ever-so-slowly over to lunchtime. Finally, when the red dashes formed a 12 and two 00s, he lept up, smacking his knee on the machine he had been repairing in the process. He dumped his tools in the toolbox, slapped a Do Not Disturb sign on the mess so the janitors wouldn’t accidentally toss anything again (little did he know that the janitors had avoided Lalna’s room entirely since the last time they did that- one conflict with Xephos was enough), and bolted out the door. The corridor was empty, and Lalna was thankful that the testificates dined in a separate part of the building entirely, it meant tiny lines to the excellent pizza, as it was only the human department leads who ate in this section of the building.

The corridors were empty. No one was around to see him. The hard, freshly-waxed floors called to him.

Lalna slipped off his shoes, tossing them back into his room and leaving him in just his socks. Laughing, he took off running, flung his arms out, and slid further than he had expected to, crashing into a wall on a sharp turn. He went down hard, smacking into the wall, then the floor. Shit. He’d have to check in with the clinic before he went to lunch and report the incident, but he couldn’t imagine how he’d explain this. “Sorry, doc, I, a scientific professional and lead researcher at Yoglabs, hurt myself because I was seeing how far I could slide in my socks.” Yeah, like that’d fly.

He limped that way anyways, grumbling about his lack of lunch. No doubt Xephos would bring him some leftovers later, and they could laugh about it over cold pizza. Maybe he could get away with building a microwave into his Top Secret Experiment. Checking the map of Yoglabs he kept on his phone, Lalna realized that he could make a detour to the coffee lounge for a moment before heading over to the clinic. He traced the path into the program and the correct coloured line highlighted itself. But it would be such a long way if he just walked, and his shoes were still in his room…

He took off down the hall again, running and sliding until he spotted the open entrance of the coffee lounge. With one last burst of energy, he ran, slid, and stopped directly in the middle of the doorway.

“I,” he congratulated himself, “am a professional.”

About to enter the lounge, Lalna stopped when he noticed a couple, sitting up against the wall next to the all-important coffee machine. They were wrapped in a passionate embrace, and Lalna didn’t blame them. Since Yoglabs employees rarely left besides in a body bag, you had to find love- or lust- where you could.

One of the partners was straddling the other’s leg, pressing him up against the wall and covering a large part of their body, making identification impossible. The only thing visible of the other was their long legs, sprawled across the floor, and their hands, one tangled in the top’s long blonde hair and the other clutching their white coat, pulling the two close. They kissed slowly, heads moving like they had all the time in the world. Until Lalna’s path changed, they probably did. He could leave them alone and head off to his checkup so they could count his bruises and record his excuse, but his stomach growled at him. It was lunch, and even if the only thing he could get was questionable “coffee”, he wanted it.

The blond had moved away from the other’s face now, kissing down his neck in a way that made the one underneath moan deeply. It was clear, now, that they were both male. Cute, but it didn’t deter Lalna from wanting his coffee any more. He walked into the room, hoping to sidestep them on the way to the machine, but his presence startled the poor couple. The bottom kicked his legs in alarm, pushing his knee up into the top’s crotch, who groaned and rolled his hips, clearly misunderstanding his intentions.

“Don’t mind me, just getting a drink,” Lalna chuckled, in an attempt to calm them down, but the bottom pushed the blonde away in a panic.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” he shouted, and Lalna froze as the top moved away, revealing who was underneath.

Xephos sat there, panting hard, perfect hair mussed and lips swollen from kissing. He looked absolutely ravished, and seeing his eyes trained on Lalna stirred something within him.

“A clone?” 

Lalna turned his eyes to the third man in the room at the words, and his thoughts stopped in their tracks. Because the man that had had Xephos pushed up against the wall, snogging the life out of him, wore his face. His eyes were wide, eyebrows pulled together, a slightly confused smile on his face as he reached over and took Xephos’ hand.

“Poor thing, he must have testificates looking for him. Should I escort him home, or just...?” He grimaced, and Lalna felt a bit insulted, being talked about as if he was simply an experiment.

“Excuse me? Xephos, what’s going on?”

Both men looked at Xephos for an answer, and he sighed, tipping his head back against the wall. Pulling out his phone, Xephos poked at it and held it up to his ear.

“Pardon the interruption, but is any department missing a Lalna clone, or shapeshifter of any kind? Over.” His voice echoed over the loudspeakers. “There, that should clear up one question. The only problem I have with this is, clone or not, how did he get into the restricted areas?”

“I work here,” Lalna reminded him. “I live here. Why are you treating me as if I’m the imposter?”

“Because I’ve been with this one since we woke up this morning,” Xephos said dryly, “and you’ve only just arrived. If you’ve really been here for that long, you’d understand my suspicion.”

“I only wanted coffee,” he goaned, sitting down across from them. Xephos’ phone beeped, and he returned his attention to it.

“Why aren’t you wearing shoes?” his doppelganger questioned him quietly. Lalna shook his head.

“They just waxed the floors,” he explained, and they shared a knowing smile. At least they weren’t that different.

“Oh, great.” Xephos spoke up. His sarcasm was obvious. “Three-X says they initiated a rudimentary timeline switch when backing up the drives, that could be it. Very isolated, usually, but you know Yoglabs. If it can go wrong, it does, and if it can’t possibly go wrong, everything dies.” This earned a chuckle from the other two. “They’ll be done around one, the earliest they can be done is twelve forty-five, any sooner and it could damage the system. So if that’s the case, we’ve got less than an hour to figure out something to do.”

“Oh, I think we could figure something out.” The one holding Xephos’ hand smirked. Was that really what he looked like when he was trying to flirt? Honestly, he could do so much better. Had done, apparently, seeing as this one was with Xephos.

“I’m in.” Lalna smirked right back, and Xephos glanced between them.

“Oh god, I’m in for it, aren’t I? Just, I mean, can we figure out names? I’m not calling you both Lalna.”

“I’ll go for Duncan, then, easy compromise,” Duncan said, laying his head on Xephos’ shoulder and bringing his hand up to tilt Xephos’ chin towards him. “I don’t mind either way.”

“Works for me,” Lalna agreed. He should probably have questioned why he was so eager, but when else was he going to get this chance?

Duncan pulled Xephos in for a kiss, gently cupping his chin. It was odd, seeing himself. He’d seen himself in the mirror, of course, but everything was flipped. And it wasn’t like a video, either, because he hadn’t the frame of reference for the thoughts behind the face.

Lalna was pulled out of his thoughts by said face directly in front of his. His double licked his lips, raised his eyebrows, and leaned in with a smile, soft lips touching at last. He could feel where Duncan’s bottom lip was chewed raw, like his, a nervous habit he had never been able to kick. He wanted more of the sensation. Normally, tastes mixed when mouthes clashed, but here it was almost as if they were continuous. Lalna hooked one arm over Duncan’s shoulder, in an attempt to push him backwards and take control, and Duncan grabbed Lalna’s hair in his fist and pulled. Letting out a gasp, Lalna let his head be pulled backwards, and looked over to Xephos, who was staring at them with his lips parted.

“You know, Xeph,” Duncan released Lalna from his grip, “I get enough of you. Why don’t we let him have a try?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Xephos reached for Lalna, sliding his hand across the back of his neck. “You liked it when he pulled your hair. It took me months to figure that out.”

Lalna climbed into Xephos’ lap and straddled him, looking down into his large blue eyes. “I fucking love it,” he admitted, and kissed him. This, this was more like real kissing, a new sensation, not knowing what, exactly, the other would try, and Lalna let his hands roam over this new territory, reawakening every wandering desire that had been pushed down over the years. Xephos was muscular, despite his lean frame, and cool to the touch, no doubt a product of his alien physiology. He had tried every way he could think of to access the medical records, but they were locked down tight, and he smiled at the thought that he could finally know what the spaceman was hiding in his trousers.

There was a gentle presence at his back, and Duncan leaned into him, nipping at his neck and pulling his lab coat down and off his shoulders. Xephos had finally taken to playing with his hair now, and his scalp buzzed with sensation. Duncan moved his hands up Lalna’s shirt, clearly doing his best to get Lalna naked as soon as possible. Breaking from Xephos’ lips, his lifted his hands above his head, and Duncan slipped his shirt off, returning to circle his arms around Lalna’s waist. They were skin to skin now, but it wasn’t enough. He leaned back, away from Xephos and into Duncan, pushing until they were both on the floor, with Duncan under him. Duncan continued to kiss at his shoulders, unfazed, while Lalna wrestled his jeans and pants off. His erection finally hit the air, and he noticed Xephos staring.

“Come on, Xephos, you’re the only one here still fully dressed,” he urged. Xephos, obligingly, slipped off his ever-present long coat and flung his shirt across the room. He looked mainly human, aside from the light blue blush that tinted his cheeks.

Duncan’s hand crept up Lalna’s hip, finally getting a grip on his cock. “Utterly identical,” he murmured, almost to himself, and Lalna tipped his head back, moaning.

“Fuck, I can’t stand seeing you like this,” Xephos breathed, finally pulling off the last of his clothing. Lalna sat up to watch, unfortunately pushing his rear into Duncan’s junk, who let out a small, pained noise and pushed him up the rest of the way, so Lalna was kneeling, staring at what Xephos had just pulled out.

It was shorter than Lalna had expected, perhaps around four inches, and blue, wide at the base and narrow at the tip, with a series of enticing bumps and ridges along it, and it was dripping. Curious, Lalna leaned forwards and licked at it, eliciting a devastating noise from Xephos and causing him to lean back into the wall for support. He was just about to go for another one of those noises when he was smacked in the head with a pair of jeans.

“Didn’t my mother ever teach me not to put strange things in my mouth?” Duncan scolded.

“That was honestly a very weird sentence, and what the fuck, by the way,” Lalna retorted. “I figure you’ve done it before, it should be safe.”

“I’m not saying it’s not going to be safe for you. I’m saying you can’t just dive in and treat it like a cock,” he explained. “or everyone’s gonna have a bad time. Watch.” He shoved Lalna over and placed one hand on Xephos thigh, tilting his chin towards his member and parting his lips. The more Lalna thought about it, the more it seemed to resemble a tentacle. Did Duncan put that  inside him? Would he get a try? 

Duncan used his other hand to reach up and gently stroke the tentacle with two fingers, running down to massage the area where it met his skin. Slowly, as Xephos visibly relaxed, the skin in the area became slightly swelled before something fascinating happened- the shortish tentacle extended, sliding out of its sheath where it had been hidden before, curling and writhing.

“So he’s a grower,” Lalna chuckled. “Always wondered.”

The tentacle made its way towards Duncan, exploring the contours of the man’s face, dipping in between his lips. Rather than take action, as Lalna would have liked to do, Duncan remained slack as the other end disappeared again, this time down into Duncan’s throat. Lalna recognized his own fantastic gag reflex- the result of years of practice. But as Lalna gave in and began stroking his own aching cock, Duncan gently grabbed the intruder and drew it out of his mouth.

“You should have seen the look on his face when he first saw mine. Just because he’s science smart doesn’t mean he’s biology smart.”

“Speaking of biology,” Xephos’ voice was shaky and they both turned to look at him, “please tell me we’re doing something other than admiring my  appendage . I’m not a toy.”

“Sometimes you are,” Duncan growled at him, and Xephos gulped, smiling uncertainly. “Get back down here. The party’s on the floor.”

Oh, but that was a tone Lalna could go for, even if it was coming from the mouth of a man who looked like him. “Lube, we need lube,” he said frantically, grabbing at the coats around them. Duncan pulled a hand-sized bottle out of his lab coat pocket, holding it up and quirking an eyebrow.

“Guest’s choice.”

Lalna looked between the two of them, possibilities running through his head, knowing the time they had was short. His eyes settled on the lube. “I think, maybe…You already know.”

“I also know the number of fantasies you’ve had. Can’t you choose one for yourself?”

Lalna leaned close to Duncan, cheeks brushing as he whispered to him, a smile growing on Duncan’s face.

“Perfect. But I want you to be facing me.”

Lalna took a long look at Xephos, then nodded. He maneuvered himself, with the help of two pairs of hands, so that he was sitting backwards on Xephos’ lap, the tentacle, a good eight inches now, twisting between his legs.

“Is it consciously controlled?” he asked, reaching down to touch it lightly.

“Somewhat,” was the only answer he received before Duncan, fingers coated in lube, pressed one digit inside him. One digit became two, and Lalna’s eyes rolled back in his head.

“Look at me.” Duncan pulled his hair so that Lalna was staring at his own crotch. He seemed to be dripping almost as much liquid as Xephos was, and the sight of lean, pink fingers disappearing into him had a mesmerizing effect. Xephos’ arms wrapped around him, holding him up, giving him a sense of support. The fingers of Duncan’s other hand were digging into Lalna’s thigh, leaving fingerprints and- Lalna hoped- bruises. If there were bruises he could look at them in the morning and remind himself that it was real, that it wasn’t simply some sick fantasy. Duncan pushed a third finger into him, then removed them entirely, stretching his legs apart and up as Lalna let out a sharp, guttural noise.

With a glance at Xephos, who had his face buried in Lalna’s hair, eyes watching the action as if he were content to simply stare, Duncan took hold of Xephos’ tentacle, aligning it with Lalna’s ass. The tip felt strange, twitching as it slid into him, filling him gradually. The texture he had been so mesmerized by before felt wonderful, hitting all the right places. Of course Xephos knew where Lalna’s sweet spots were, the same as how Duncan had known exactly how much stretching he would need. His body was nothing new to them.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Duncan tilted his head. “You want more, you want it to thrust like a normal human’s would, but trust me, just breathe.” Xephos squirmed inside him and sent shivers up his spine. He tried, really tried, to breathe the way Duncan was guiding him, and the tentacle slid down a bit, curving into an s-shape and pressing against Lalna’s prostate. The noises he was making were less begging and more just whatever made its way past his lips.

Duncan pressed their foreheads together, kissing him deeply, bringing back that realization that there really were no physical differences between the two. Could he do this? Was what he had asked for really what he wanted? It was so big inside him already. He threw one arm up to press against Duncan’s shoulder.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he panted.

“It’s all right, I’ve got you,” Duncan reassured him, one hand on the back of Lalna’s head. “Just hold on.” He squeezed the base of Lalna’s cock, forcing down the pressure welling in his abdomen, and with the other hand, directed his own underneath Lalna. He was dripping from Xephos’ presence inside him, and they needed no more lube. “Hold on. ‘Red’ if it really is too much.”

“Fuck,” Lalna whimpered, as Duncan slid into him, stretching him wider than he thought he could go. The way they moved together, they knew each other so well, and the feeling that he was only an object in their pleasure, it struck a chord in his head that he hadn’t known he wanted. Duncan began to thrust at a breath-taking pace, while Xephos’ tentacle almost seemed to chase him around. The different sensations moved through him like a tidal wave, ripping a primal scream from his throat. For the first time in a long while, Xephos moved. He removed his hands from around Lalna’s waist, encircling them both, and pulling them all closer together in a pile of limbs and skin and sweat.

“You’re both so beautiful,” he managed, whispering into Lalna’s hair, and Lalna felt the tentacle swell, moving from the base to the tip, and Xephos coated his insides with liquid. The added sensation was enough to send Lalna spiralling into ecstasy, thrashing as Duncan continued to push into him, long, rough strokes that he would have loved any other time but right now they were just too much, too much. Xephos’ tentacle was slowly retreating, leaving Lalna with only Duncan inside him, forcing him past his limits. He grasped at Duncan’s arms, hoping to get the message across with just his body, but it wasn’t enough.

“Duncan, fuck, red, I’m done,” he rasped. “It hurts.”

His double stopped, looking into his eyes. Was that what he looked like right now, so thoroughly fucked, eyes blown wide and face flushed from his head to his ears all the way down to his chest, hair hanging and mussed? No wonder he couldn’t resist himself. He always had been a bit of a narcissist.

“You’re done, I’m not, now what are we going to do about that?” Duncan teased.

“I don’t know, whatever you like. Just, not this, okay?”

Finally pulling out, Duncan took a moment to sit back and breathe. Xephos’ chest was moving slowly up and down, and his arms had gone slack. Lalna extracted himself from the spaceman’s arms, moving to his knees and ignoring the pain. “Let me help.”

“I’m almost there, just a bit more,” Lalna grabbed at Duncan’s cock, head flushed purple with lust, pulling and sliding in just the way he liked. It was different, feeling it from this angle, but they had done so much for him that he wanted to do what he could. Letting his able fingers work their magic, he used his other hand to dip below, pressing at the very personal pressure point where his balls attached in the back. Duncan came almost immediately, in spurts across Lalna’s hand. He had an urge to lick it off his fingers, and so he did. He was never very good at impulse control. Disappointingly, though he could hardly complain about anything in this encounter, it tasted like he knew it would, like his own. Who hadn’t tried before?

Grabbing Xephos’ phone from where he had set it, Duncan glanced at the time. “We’ve still got a few minutes before you have to go,” he told him, laying back on the floor and staring at the ceiling.

“Does the coffee machine work in this universe?”

“Does it ever?” They shared a laugh and Lalna lay down next to Duncan. Despite being sweaty and sticky and desperately needing a shower, he lay on his side, one arm over his doppelganger.

“Alright, I give up. How did you do it?”

“Do what?” Duncan’s voice was sleepy, and he turned his head so that their noses were almost touching.

“How did he finally get the message? Honestly, we’ve been so close for years, and he’s never shown an interest.”

“Trust me, he’s got an interest. At least he did here. Poor thing looked so nervous and awkward and beautiful that I just straight up smacked him one. Best decision I’ve ever made in my life, hands down.”

They looked over at Xephos, slumped against the wall, colour slowly fading from his cheeks. He was a perfect disaster, and Lalna wanted to bundle him up and put him in his pocket and carry him around forever.

He didn’t know how long they lay there, falling asleep to the rhythm of gentle breathing. But seamlessly, it seemed, the taste of the air changed, the body he had been clinging to was no longer there, and he found himself lying cold and naked on the ground. Not wanting to get up, Lalna curled up in a ball and decided to continue sleeping.

He was awoken a second time to soft voices overhead. Peeling his eyes open, he noticed that he had garnered quite a crowd, all of whom were looking down at him with concerned expressions, whispering theories about what had happened. Conversation stopped when Lalna managed to sit up, and someone handed him his clothes, which must have returned with him. Things always return to where they belong.

A shout echoed through the halls and the group parted as Xephos ran in.

“Everyone is dismissed,” he commanded, then, speaking into his phone, announced, “The search is over, all staff are required to return to duty.”

There was an immediate exodus and Lalna and Xephos were alone in the room. “Are you all right? Can you tell me what happened?” He held out a hand and helped Lalna up, but his legs were still shaky, and he leaned on Xephos for support, clutching his bundle of clothing to him. One of Xephos’ arms went around his shoulder, and he shivered, reminded of the other reason those arms had encircled him.

“Three-X did server maintenance, right?” Lalna recalled.

“Yes, but- Are you saying it affected you? Did you get forced into some sort of timeline where  this happened?” Xephos gestured to Lalna’s state of undress, keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling, obviously a lot more embarrassed about the situation than Lalna was. Lalna looked down at himself, and noticed that some of what had dried on the inside of his legs was a very distinct shade of blue.

“I wouldn’t say forced, no,” he smiled. Dropping his clothes, he wrapped his arms around Xephos, pressing them tightly together.

“Lalna? Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Look at me,” Lalna told him, placing his hand on the back of Xephos’ head and maneuvering them so that he could stare into Xephos’ shining blue eyes. “Xephos?”

“Lalna?”

“I love you, you idiot,” he told him, then kissed him. Lalna could almost feel his emotions- hesitant, at first, then pressing back into him as he gave in and draped his arms around Lalna’s neck. They stayed like that for a long while, gently moving and breathing together. There would be time for questions later.

Finally breaking the moment, Lalna pulled back and grinned.

“Now, what do you say we go get some lunch? I’m absolutely starving.”


End file.
